Photo: Time to stop the struggle...I like the idea of floating...

Th other day I found this beautiful message…

or.. it found me

to begin the letting go process…

I realised this week that I have been struggling for quite a while to keep all those balls in the air and while you are in the grip of  juggling life, you are just running as hard as you can to keep up while your mind is racing from day to day, with adrenalin cursing through your veins as you try to cope with the competing tasks of being a wife, mother, worker as well as friend, sister, aunt and grandmother while trying to find a little bit of time for yourself aside from being asleep.

As a parent you are constantly struggling to find a balance in your world between the needs of children (yes, even adult ones) who forget that you also need time out to breathe and think things through or just to stop worrying about everyone else. Without any time, to stop and regroup after one emergency or problem solve you just keep on going, keep running and hoping what you are doing is enough.  Sometimes this juggle becomes lopsided and you find yourself giving more to one than another which inevitably leaves others feeling left out.  What none of them stop to realise is that the time you are giving or not giving means time out of your own life and that of your partner which is just as important as theirs.

It came as a shock to me recently that even though I thought I was doing the best for all members of my family which I absolutely love to bits and believe that this is my main priority and role in this lifetime, my own needs were being neglected along with our needs as a couple and sometimes you can get so tied up with earning a living and being there for everyone else that you forget yourself along the way.  That’s when its time to let go of the struggles, let go and breathe and know that a higher power which is far greater than you is waiting in the wings to take that lead, but you have to be prepared to step aside and just let it all go….

It’s now that time for me to begin that process of letting go…

Letting go of the constant demands that family place upon me and learn to put ‘us’ first…Letting go of what I wanted for our old home, letting go of how I think my future should be and know that life will sort itself out perfectly as it has done all long.  My job now is to just continue to love life and enjoy where I live without having to justify it to anyone else and keep dreaming for what it is that I want to do with the rest of my life.

I know deep in my soul that where I am today is the place I want to be, its my ‘happy place’ and where my soul sings.  I nearly forgot this recently when we were thinking of moving back to Melbourne as our son needs to be there for ease of medical and work needs, however the universe had other ideas for us and a turn of events have meant that we now get to stay.

In a month or so we will be busily getting our old home ready for sale.  It is not in the condition we hoped it would be at this stage nor is it the best house in the street.  However it does have some wonderful potential and I can only wish it well as we say a final farewell to that part of our life and trust that the universe will provide for our needs with this sale, it knows what we need so now I just have to focus on that end result and with that will come closure on a big part of our life but one which will release the burden of the financial ties that our old home has still held.

So… for the new adventures which will come our way, I hope to have some funds which will pay for a new dream of ours, a trip overseas which Bill and I can share together.  I plan to renovate my beach retreat to enhance its already beautiful style to something I will love and live comfortably in for the rest of my days.

Its funny that at 50 I am still learning things which will carve my future…at 50 I am finally learning to ‘Let Go and let God” sort it all out for I am learning that sometimes its above my capabilities and I just cant be everything to everybody.  I realised today that I can now stop struggling with trying to be that and this gives me a feeling of calmness.  I am extremely content with where we have ended up.  It may not suit those close to me and I will forever support them where I can but that is now their journey to discover within themselves what it is that they need to do while Bill and I discover the rest of our lives…

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