As my brain tries to fathom what my eyes are seeing on the calendar, the realisation of another month over in this year registers and the knowledge that we really have clocked over to November makes me realise Christmas will soon be upon us and another year nearly under our belts. For me, its been a particularly scary, fast and challenging year, so much so, my new years wish next year will be something along the lines of ‘a nice quiet one please’
When I think back to Jan 1 of 2015 I had one definite goal in mind and that was to get a local job. My total focus was that, to stop the crazy commute I was doing and land a job in the city where I lived only 26 minutes from town. As you all know from reading this blog , I was blessed to achieve this goal and it truly has made an amazing difference to my life, however, it has not been without its challenges.
To begin a new job at 51 years of age was not an easy task. The environment I found myself in, structurally was familiar but internally was new and busy with many different facets I had to get my brain across in a relatively short time frame. Sadly the workplace of today waits for no one and I found my learning ability being questioned which only sent me spinning into self doubt and stress for a good part of this year.
As November marks the beginning of the last 8 weeks of the year, I am only now feeling as though I finally have a good grip on my job however it did come at a cost, I lost quite a few months of this year with worry and anxiety as I paddled as hard as I could though the choppy waves along with more than a few sleepless nights.
Now that I have finally found myself in calmer waters, I have been able to lift my head to look back on this year proud that I managed to get through it but more prouder of my hubby who never let me fall. He encouraged me to get up each and every day, reminded me of my skills and contributions to this life and helped keep my head above the water.
Life sometimes throws us curve balls often when we are least expecting them. Sometimes the hardest lesson in life is when those curve balls come out of nowhere and its the strength we have to dig deep to find to fight back and say, NO, its not going to end this way, I have fierce determination and I have the resilience I need to push through this to the other side. Apparently we become different people through adversity. The only lesson I feel I took away from this experience sadly was to not be so open or show my hand too early which goes against the grain of who I really am. Perhaps this lesson was to teach me not to become complaisant or to be incredibly grateful for landing where I have. Whatever this lesson was I do not wish for this experience to harden me. I simply accept I had to go through it but now can release it and make sure I don’t carry any of the pain forward.
They say you learn and grow through being uncomfortable or stretching outside your comfort zone. Changing jobs this year certainly stretched me in many ways. I am quite shy by nature which is why I sometimes prefer to express myself in forums such as this blog. I cannot truly say if I feel I have grown through this year’s experience, I would have preferred it to be a smoother ride. The bumps came so far out of left field for me that I spent wasted time in my head rehashing and questioning my abilities instead of focusing on my strengths. I intend for those strengths to now shine a bit brighter.
So now I find myself already with a goal for 2016. To get myself back, to open my spirit once more. To check in and really live each and every month of the new year, with goals which inspire me. Following on from my husband’s health scare this year, both of us are committed to eating more healthily with less processed foods and have both lost significant weight, me through the I Quit Sugar program and Bill with simply cutting out junk foods. I know we will strive to keep this new way of eating a way forward to better health. I now want to incorporate some night time for me, to meditate, write down my blessings ( a new habit I have formed) or read (or blog), just special time for me to hear my inner wisdom when I can quieten my thoughts from each day.
Tonight I began a free online meditation with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey online. It has only just started and for anyone who wishes to do it as well you can find it here https://chopracentermeditation.com/
The message today was…
‘My beliefs enhance my life – become what you believe’…I think that’s a perfect mantra to get back to believing in myself again for the coming new year…